Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
