What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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