I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
