did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i already hear my dad disowning me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
