I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
