just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think my moral compass just broke
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