I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
