mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
