i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
