i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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