I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You made out with two different species that night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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