he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
