i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
