I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
