We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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