her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
