jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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