Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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