That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
