Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
