I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
