it was like his penis was on wheels.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
