Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
