Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
