I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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