My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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