I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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