Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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