sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
