Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
