So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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