We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
