look no pants
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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