Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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