I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
