We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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