Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
