I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
