I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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