I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love having hate sex.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
