It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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