There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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