Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
