my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
