So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Alive.
So much puke
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
