The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
