That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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