would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
