I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
