You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
