These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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