I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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