stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Its about making memories worth repressing
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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