So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
